Mystic Qabalah

Like so many people in America today I was born and raised with christian ethics and values. Growing up I remember going to church and listening to the preacher and Sunday school teachers and never really questioning where Christianity came from. I never asked for proof of any of the church's claims. I just did what I was told and believed what was put into my head to believe. Religiously speaking life was good, or so I thought.
After I got married, to the preachers daughter no less, I started to attend the Nazarene branch of Christianity. For awhile all seemed well and once again I did what I thought was my part in "the church". I would attend about every Sunday morning and Wednesday evening, bringing my two sons with me. What I did not understand at the time was that my "faith" was really more about "the church" than "Jesus". After all every good christian wants to be seen going in and out of church and carrying a Bible, don't they?
After a few years of being "faithful" to "the church" I began having questions, questions like "How come no historians in Christs time record Jesus existence?" After all, if as we are told Jesus had such a big impact on little Judea, would not the historians write about this? And "If God sent his only son, who is God's wife, it takes two to tango, right?". And "If God does have a wife, why does not the church talk about her?". Questions, questions no one seemed to be able to, or want to answer. I finally had to ask myself "what good is a faith or religion that has no answers?".
So as time went on I did what any person with questions and no answers would do, I stopped going to church and began looking for myself for the answers. As you can image, not attending church as a good christian does comes with a price. People around you that also attended church want to know why you were not there. And this is done in a very subtle fashion. No one really demands to know why you do not go to church anymore, they sort of look at you with either a pitiful or disgusted and "holier than thou" look. It's so very subtle you see, instead of just asking why no one sees you at church they will instead say things like "We fear for you" or "We miss you", like I am lost or something. And why fear for me, should you not fear for yourself? Perhaps they themselves have questions and but are afraid of getting answers that will upset their own "world view".

Days turn into months turn into years, and the people I used to see from church become less and less. As a matter of fact, very few of those same people even talk to me, or know where I live. As it turns out, church in my opinion is nothing more than a mind washing institution based on a so called "faith" that discourages questions to it's authority. If a church can keep you coming back, by preaching fear, than that church makes more money. And control and money is whats its all about. This is why when you meet most any "church goer" it always seems they hold the Church's views and opinions about anything, be it politics, history, education, you name it. These Church's cannot have people going around thinking for themselves. If people thought for themselves, what power and control would the christian institution have over anyone? Where would the money come from?

So what do I do with all these questions, where do the answers come from? I start reading, and I mean reading with a capital R. Hundreds of books, magazines, web articles, blogs, newspapers you name it. I started watching documentaries from all over the web. More clips, views and news than I care to even name. I started listening to every podcast and radio show I could get my ears around. And what I have taken away from all this information is this Think for Yourself. Learn the Trivium, grammar, logic, and rhetoric.

Clear your mind of all the background chatter and think! What does all this have to do with choosing to be Pagan? Is not choosing Paganism over Churchianity just rebelling against the church? Well, yes and no. But for today, I am done. just remember what Timothy Leary once said "Think for yourself and question authority". Until then, Blessed Be and 93 my friends!